Category Archives: Politics

Thoughts on the the players in our Idiocracy

Hug a Tree and Kiss Your A– Goodbye

Sometimes you just reach a point when you need to respond to something although you full well know that whatever you say won’t adequately make the point. But that’s never stopped me from opening my big mouth or, in this case, my keyboard. I’ve had so many people suggest to me that I “get a life” instead of spending my time thinking up these lame responses to minutia and other meaningless things. But if I were to get that said “life” I would then have to continue to absorb the “logic” spouted self-absorbed activists trying to make themselves feel better about themselves and then try to secure their 15 minutes of fame on NPR, CNN, MSNBC, Oprah or the View, not to mention the multitudinous Blog sites of other people’s opinions. And I’d like to thank our magnanimous former Vice President, Al Gore, first for inventing this internet thing which we all so pleasantly communicate with in vitriolic anonymity (and being of the Conservative bent, I fully accept my essence as “vitriolic” while acquiescing the “rational,” “tempered” and “meaningful” terms to the posters at “Daily KOS,” “Huffington Post,” et. al., who have many more clues than those who are unlucky enough to have the surnames of Bush, Cheney and/or Rove. Oh, and Mr. Gore, about that SPAM thing you inadvertently created many years ago when you were assembling your ones and zeroes to connect the world . . . putz!

Of course, that wasn’t his fault because those on the other side of the aisle–the side which owns panacea, utopia and the Land of Oz–only create Munchkins and Straw Men (with all due apologies former Secretary of Commerce, Robert Reich. There was no pun intended) while this side is solely responsible for the Wicked President of the West and his band of evil flying monkeys led by King Kong himself, Karl Rove. (By the way, Leftists, is Dubya really stupid since Karl supposedly has his hand up Dubya’s back pulling the mouth tab and spinning George’s head around like Linda Blair searching for the next word to say, or is Karl just a really poor ventriloquist? You gotta choose; you can’t have it both ways!)

Back to our former V.P., the brilliant IP God of this world. Gates did really well inventing one thing and running with it. He didn’t try to be everything to everybody (except for his operating system trying to be everything to everybody and bogging itself down mercilessly) but you, Al, can’t take your success with the most revolutionary communication concept since the Geico caveman spoke his first word on national TV last year and leave well enough alone for just a few years. A wise man once said “When you chose to ride two horses at the same time and they decide to go different ways, you quit making sense.” Alright, I made that up but it does beg the point I’m getting to.

Global warming. Since you really had little to nothing to do with the internet, why should we follow you down the myopic, slippery slope of things we could never hope to control? I beg your pardon, sir, but a different Messiah was promised a few millenniums ago. You are too late. And your influence in this matter cannot seek and can never hope to adequately influence the outcome you strive for. I shouldn’t be so sure, though. I concede it is possible Dan Brown’s research may trace your bloodline back to a great-great-great-great . . . (you get the point!) grandmother from Magdala and, by the way, that gal at the final dinner table does have that Gore-y aura to her but so does Mona in the Louvre. But we can’t worship you, and the hotter it gets the less I’ll feel like it just the same. If things made good sense, it might be different. But when logic gives way to lunacy, something’s got to go. And if you couldn’t muster up enough charisma to defeat a bumbling, word assassin that allegedly can’t walk and find Bin Laden at the same time except to recount little itty-bitty pieces of paper that your constituents couldn’t even skewer effectively in their patriotic effort to anoint their God-given prince the title of king, then why should we put a whole lot of stock into what you say now?

Just one good reason that has nothing to do with blind faith and I’m yours. Instead I am barraged day after day with a chads worth of evidence to build a consensus of science. Remember, your “people” couldn’t punch holes in paper, Al, so what should make me think your educated “people” can predict climate change to a reliability greater than TWC who can only give me a percentage chance of rain tomorrow yet promise me ten years from now I will be toast in my SUV? I’m looking for evidence not consensus. I get consensus from the Weather Channel. But the evidence overrides consensus when I’m ringing out my socks because Weather jocks guessed wrongly. Those with myopia typically can see nearby objects clearly but distant objects appear blurred.

That’s the official definition from Wikipedia dealing with eyesight but it is directly relevant to the myopic vision of ideologues also. Remember the adage “Can’t see the forest for the trees?” If Gorean philosophy requires logic just like other systems require, let’s extend the analogy to a logical end encompassing all factors to their “natural” extensions instead of focusing on just a portion of a scenario to proselytize the brainless. Following is a response to someone who stated something on the order of “well, both sides have a point, but the evidence warrants playing it safe on the global warming side and what would that hurt?

Oh, maybe hugging a tree could cause you to follow-up with kissing your ass goodbye . . . maybe? If you deal with all the ramifications of your actions, that is. Kind of like admiring those trees and forgetting that a forest can only exist and thrive when some of the trees are eventually taken out. You can either cut them down to thin the forest and keep it healthy or Mother Nature will do it in her own way just as she has done it for millenniums . . . without our help.

[Don’t mean to butt in the conversation, but I’d like to add a little information along with logic. It’s just an idea and I don’t want to poo-poo the theory of Mankind adding carbon dioxide and other pollutants to the atmosphere because that’s a given: we did and we do. It’s only logical it will have some kind of effect however little.]

The theory just a few short years ago was that this additional carbon dioxide was breaking open the Ozone layer and allowing in more ultraviolet rays. So is CO2 the culprit? Mechanization and fossil fuels are likely contributors as well as the Sun itself which can never be regulated.

In 1970, the Earth population was just below 4 billion persons. In 2007, it’s rapidly approaching 7 billion and surely will double the 1970 mark sometime in the next few years. And since we human beings breathe in oxygen and then expire CO2 into the atmosphere ourselves–now at a rate almost twice the amount of 40 years ago–how much of a contribution do we as living organisms contribute to the degeneration of our own planet? If we eliminate all of the fossil fuel contributors to global warming, how long will it be–since the resulting Utopia will surely make life “heaven on earth” by the standards of Green thinkers–our own population will strangle this planet with own emissions naturally occurring, and not even considering spatial, nourishment and natural resource consumption?

Nature has its own way of adjusting itself no matter what our contribution and wanting to conserve energy, find better ways to fuel our endeavors and having a desire to be relevant to the planet we live on is a noble idea by any measure. But the same people who strive to control our lives today with the assumption that the answer lies in controlling nature will also be the ones once our population reaches the breaking point that will want to decide which segment of the billions must be disposable to relieve this earth of its natural population. The fear of global warming today will soon give way to the terror of over population in the coming centuries because we as a world society continually strive to override Nature with our narcissistic belief that we are the masters of our own Fate when all we are momentary little pissants who think we know better.

What happens when the herd gets too big on the Savannah? Lack of food and resources starve the weakest and Nature makes her adjustment. It’s not a rule I concocted. It’s the way Nature rules. But now our advances in technology, medicine, food production, energy, et al., have disturbed the natural balance of nature by allowing us to live longer, more comfortably, etc. At a population of 1 billion, not a big deal. But now since we’re having a problem taking care of our own in Darfur, the call to quell the Earth’s heat with a mythical devotion to conservation for the planet is logically a non-sequitur if one considers that such an action will only propel this planet toward another horrible catastrophe since with such improved conditions, population would continue or accelerate to a different but nonetheless merciless end.

Solution? Do we exterminate people now or later? Better yet, let’s just get on the Global Warming Bus and wave exuberantly as we pass by Mother Nature on our way to self-aggrandizement. Of course, She has that wry smile on her face full well knowing that once we reach our final destination, it will be us searching our souls for another different solution when She’s had the answer all along: the natural way of survival of the fittest. Self-regulating and unforgiving.

“Real evidence on both sides.” The only thing “real” is like statistics interpretation; it depends entirely on how a question is asked and then interpreted. And if you don’t take into account all the ramifications of your conclusion, you might as well hug a tree. At least the tree might get something out of it because the other few billions (and multiplying exponentially) of people won’t be giving a damn because you feel good.

It’s really not necessary in the grander scheme of things to hug a tree and cut down those who disagree with you. The tree is more likely to give you a splinter, but your opponent is more likely to give you a hug.

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Posted by on May 14, 2007 in Politics


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Apocraphylips Now

Before I begin, I would like to stress the fact that this is not a scholarly work as were my previous posts (guffaw). But certain circumstances in world politics sometimes inspire me before I fully research a topic. It’s the need for an immediate cathartic experience sans the necessity for ultimate accuracy. After all, this is just an online diary, of sorts, a kind of rambling of the mind on things that have made impressions on me in the present. Two days from now I probably won’t even care I thought these thoughts and at the risk of being visited by Al Qaeda in the dark of the night (after all, they are not the bravest people in the world when the prey on non-militants because to confront a fully armed Marine in Fallujah somewhat lessens their ultimate need for one virgin no less 72 of them), I can’t prevent but having all the facets of my life flash before my eyes at the thought of some of the things I’ve once seen or heard in past studies many years ago.

Way back when–during the time when eyeglasses were for “old” people unlike myself then–authors dealing with Apocalyptic literature such as Hal Lindsey were a favorite read for me, not so much emanating from a desire to see the “end” in my life but more like a literary jigsaw puzzle putting pieces of prophecy together into a coherent model. The ambiguous quatrains of Nostradamus were interesting but most I could apply to any Super Bowl game especially when the Stones might perform “Sympathy For The Devil” which they wisely bypassed prophetically because I’m sure they were told in advance I might use that for a blog post. That would have been too easy. I needed more of a challenge. But I didn’t expect the Moslem world to provide me with much-needed answers indirectly after so many years of this dormant topic in my life.

Let me reiterate. I am not making a “prophetic” attempt here. I don’t want to waste precious time forming some all-encompassing theory with millions of religious references and such. I’d much rather go only as far as throwing all the pieces of a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle up in the air and have them all fall to the floor in the correct places with very little effort of my part. And there are some “obvious” elements of this theory that will no doubt amuse–and at the same time enrage–at least one other person who might happen upon this pointless rambling we call a blog. For me it’s nothing more than an exercise in brainstorming with the umbrella of this electronic medium so I can maintain a relative anonymity from 1.6 billion Muslims who may be lurking outside my door. I’ve already lost one car this year to Katrina and I don’t want them burning my sister’s who was kind enough to loan me hers until she returns from her evacuation. And you’re quite welcomed to blame all of this on the ill effects of the lingering Katrina mold ever-present in our air currently. I, myself, hope this is the case because if I’ve stumbled on “right” it’ll even scare me. Book 67, The Book of Lenny, cannot be added because the Canon has been closed . . . right?

Okay, enough of the disclaimer. This is what I have found on a simple precursory trek into research spurred by the silly little cartoon by a Dane which has driven some in Islam to the brink of idiocy. Well, further past that brink because the militants of Mohammed have already sullied the mass of the 1.6 billion with their own selfish quest for multiple virgin flesh. Whatever happened to the time-honored practice of celibacy in religious circles?

Unless you’ve been in a cave (I’m not trying to goad you at all by reference, Osama!), a little cartoon showing the image of the Prophet with his turban resembling one of those caricatured round black bombs with a lit fuse has driven the masses wild. It’s a matter of blasphemy to show an image of the Prophet. And as so many others have said on-line in recent days “If it’s prohibited to make or have an image of him, then how in hell (or the Muslim equivalent) can anyone tell it’s him really.” After all, it could be Ahmed, the used camel salesman in Cairo for all anyone knows. (Just for the record, in this case we will discount beheadings, murder of children, suicide bombings of school buses, subjugation of the female, slavery, and the need to eradicate anyone that is not Muslim as not germane to the righteous rage against blasphemy in a cartoon. We’ll compare apples to apples for the benefit of this argument.). And as a citizen of the country who has the “Great Satan” as my leader (Source: Various imams and Ayatollahs, some heads of Islamic states around the world–those closest to Israel, for sure, leaders of all Al-Qaeda cells around the world and in the United States, and finally the Democratic National Committee’s Book of Talking Points), I don’t want to taint my discussion with any automaton-like rhetoric because I voted for him. I’ll be as objective as I can.

So . . . I tooled around for more information on who exactly this Prophet was, the leader of the peaceful and tolerant religion which is almost one-third of the world strong. He seemed like a nice guy by the literature I did read on the surface. I wouldn’t recognize him if I met him on the street . . . because I’ve never seen a picture of him!!! . . . but I’m sure I could enjoy a conversation with him just as I have had with other followers of his over the years without losing my head over the experience of meeting a luminary of his stature. But the more I dug, the more the Lindsey-like my reading would become. The Late, Great Planet Earth and Satan Is Alive And Well And Living On Planet Earth were interesting reading but may have missed the mark, at least the way I understood it. But that’s not discounting the revelatory events as Mr. Lindsey proposed them to be. He was quite careful to not fall into the trap of “prophesying” a specific time of travail but more focused on what signs to look for should one (or billions) be present at the time foretold. However, I thought the world was going to end a few years ago. But maybe the Lord is honoring my one request that I last as long as it takes the Saints to get to the Super Bowl (Update: 2010. They made it. Time is shorter!) so that should give us all quite enough time to catch up on the prophecy if He does, in fact, grant that prayer. And then I stumbled on some passages from a site which delineates some of the relevant Islamic prophecies about the Apocalyptic times and I almost felt like Smokey Robinson when all of a sudden we “could see clearly now.”

(Remember, I’m not being scholarly here. Remember the tossed puzzle method. Eventually it will work. And a monkey at a typewriter could eventually compose a prize-winning novel given enough time and bananas. That’s a statistical possibility. Probably.)

Our Mahdi will have a broad forehead and a pointed (prominent) nose. He will fill the earth with justice as it is filled with injustice and tyranny. He will rule for seven years. –Abu Dawud, Sahih, Vol. 2, p. 208; Fusul al-muhimma, p. 275

After the death of a Ruler there will be some dispute between the people. At that time a citizen of Madina will flee (from Madina) and go to Makkah. While in Makkah, certain people will approach him between Hajrul Aswad and Maqaame Ibraheem, and forcefully pledge their allegiance to him.

Thereafter a huge army will proceed from Syria to attack him but when they will be at Baida, which is between Makkah and Madina, they will be swallowed into the ground.

On seeing this, the Abdaals of Shaam as well as large numbers of people from Iraq will come to him and pledge their allegiance to him. Then a person from the Quraish, whose uncle will be from the Bani Kalb tribe will send an army to attack him, only to be overpowered, by the will of Allah. This (defeated) army will be that of the Bani Kalb. Unfortunate indeed is he who does not receive a share from the booty of the Kalb. This person (Imam Mahdi) will distribute the spoils of war after the battle. He will lead the people according to the Sunnat and during his reign Islam will spread throughout the world. He will remain till seven years (since his emergence). He will pass away and the Muslims will perform his Janazah salaat. –Abu Dawud

Severe calamity from the direction of their ruler will befall my people during the Last Days. It will be a calamity which, in severity, shall be unprecedented. It will be so violent that the earth with injustice and corruption will shrivel for its inhabitants. The believers will not find refuge from oppression. At that time God will send a man from my family to fill the earth with justice and equity just as it is filled with injustice and tyranny. The dwellers of the heavens and the earth will be pleased with him. The earth will bring forth all that grows for him, and the heavens will pour down rains in abundance. He will live among the people for seven or nine years. From all the good that God will bestow on the inhabitants of the earth, the dead will wish to come to life again.Ibn Hajar, al-Sawa’iq al-muharriqa, P. 161; Yanabi’ al-mawadda, Vol. 2, P. 177)

People, no prophet or apostle will come after me and no new faith will be born. Reason well, therefore, O People, and understand words which I convey to you. I leave behind me two things, the Quran and my example, the Sunnah (Hadith), and if you follow these you will never go astray.

All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again; and may the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. Be my witness, O Allah, that I have conveyed your message to your people. A group of my Ummah will fight for the truth until near the day of judgment when Jesus, the son of Mary, will descend, and the leader of them will ask him to lead the prayer, but Jesus declines, saying: “No, Verily, among you Allah has made leaders for others and He has bestowed his bounty upon them. –Sahih Muslim

It is not as you say. Mahdi is a person behind whom Jesus will offer his prayers.Ibn Tawus, Kitab al-malahim wa al-fitan, P. 179

Okay, I didn’t say it; they did. There are obviously conflicts with Judeo-Christian literature and Islamic Literature. If you read the Islamic quotes above (and I have not verified these passages. They could well be the Islamic David Koresh or Guyana parallels in their religion). But the stark differences do highlight some obvious distinctions which could never be amicably resolved. What’s specifically troublesome to me is the starkly obvious reference to the 7 year reign of this “Mahdi” which is practically the effectual opposite of Christian eschatological prophecy. Both say the same with quite different outcomes depending on which side you think is correct. In every biblical Christian theology I can think of, this seven-year reign is attributed to the anti-Christ which precedes the return of the Savior of Christianity (and the World, to be fair). All of this is conjecture in a secular sense? It means nothing to the unbeliever and can only serve to really tick off either side of the Christian/Muslim side depending on the way one interprets the dichotomies.

If I may make a spurious prophetic judgment (non-binding) here, it doesn’t look good for Christians if Mohammed is the Prophet he claims to be. But as it is written in Christ’s on words “many will come after me saying ‘I am the Christ'” and the many warnings of false prophets to come, the seemingly purposeful subjugation of Christ-like phrasing with subtle twists in Mohammed’s pronouncements, isn’t it very curious that all though revered by Islam as a forerunning prophet himself is Jesus, even Islam does not assign Jesus to a seven-year reign as was attributed to the Muslim Messiah? One of them can’t be right. It’s a simple matter of logic that makes this judgment and I am not one to brand either side the victor or apostate just yet. That’s not my job. I just ramble. Let Lindsey write another book and make millions.

So, in conclusion, one mere cartoon may have just begun the Final Countdown. The bomb on the Prophet’s head was probably nothing more than an offhand reference to the tendency for Islam to produce mindless robots willing to do the bidding of spineless clerics in the name of the all merciful Allah. But as I looked at the picture (Google-“Mohammed Cartoon” if you want to see it for yourself), I couldn’t help but get the weak feeling in my stomach that somehow the silly little cartoon has hit on something very prophetic, not on purpose, though. As was stated in Revelation (to paraphrase) the revived rises from the head wound (by the sword) in the final epoch which may or may not lend credence to the Islamic passages above only inversely by effect. Bomb on the head of the cartoon character? That’s what militant Islam has in their heads currently. And in my judgment, it’s turning on them in some circles such as Europe and definitely right thinking Americans who don’t vote Democrat. (Political jab!) And which third of the prophesied population of the earth will reap the most damage thus fulfilling the Bible and Quranic prophesies? Perhaps an even number of both. Or not.

Is either side of this worldwide conflict in the making pristinely pure and angelic in their intent and devotion to their deity? Of course not. We both have our own Crusades and Inquisitions to answer to in the name of religion. So which is the most noble? Who knows, but 72 virgins seems the less virtuous route by most accepted religious standards that are a little less misogynous by nature. But that’s just me. And I’m more appreciative of experience over freshness. Again just me ruminating. And, by the way, Rashid, how many virgins have you seen walking around the streets these days anyway? I think I have a much better chance although it hasn’t been that apparent as of late. Celibacy, as I said before, may be the thing to strive for ultimate survival. Again, just me. Just a little friendly advice for my Muslim brothers.

Oh, my! There’s a book with a banana on top of that stupid puzzle I tossed up in the air a little while ago. I guess it’s about time I wander outside into the wilderness we call “Chocolate City” now, fast for a little while . . . ooo, and here’s some sack cloth and ashes . . . damn, I hate when I’m right!

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Posted by on February 7, 2006 in Politics


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Sometimes Things Just Never Change

It’s not enough that a killer hurricane wipes out an entire community or that a small percentage of the remaining few find it necessary for survival to loot and pillage the little value this city has left, things like TV’s, electronics, designer clothes and one bottle of baby formula. And now today as this city recovers from the devastation, someone feels the justifiable necessity to shoot three people after a Second Line parade in Treme, probably the same cretin who thought his new big screen TV would benefit him during the resulting Katrina blackout.

It’s been peaceful here in the Big Easy for the past few months. I’ve weathered even a small personal storm playing off the phrase “of biblical proportions” with the word “purge” referring to the evacuation of almost all people from this city. Someone mistook me for justifying the characterization as a “divine judgment” deserved of a certain persuasion of persons when all I meant was if it were a purge then why was the Decadence Festival picture the first shot from New Orleans in one national newspaper? Sure, white/black, rich/poor neighborhoods were all destroyed with the same affirmative action. I’m not sure, though, if more women were denied their rights due to the storm, or if the Supreme Court was involved in the dismal abortion drop-off in the past few months but I’m sure Air America will be on the case soon. And while you’re at it, Franken, there weren’t any weapons of mass destruction discovered either. That is, unless a hurricane constitutes a “weapon” because I’m sure the Bush NWS had something to do with that. But I am rather certain that if I’d have seen a Halliburton truck around here instead of FEMA things would be much further along than they are.

Frankly, except for people who shoot other people, the city is moving along somewhat. Ok, we have had one person say he hated another gentleman in a public forum when the gentleman was proposing a legitimate way to rebuild New Orleans. It wasn’t a racist comment because the hater was of African decent while the “vile” developer wasn’t, but let’s not put the devil in the details please. That’s a politically correct impossibility. PC only works one way. And never mind that the duly elected mayor of our fine city, himself, is of African descent along with numerous council members. Can’t we just all get along? If I’m Caucasian and you aren’t and I have never discriminated against you, why do you slap anyone in the face because you think “we all” are out to get you? Could it be . . . racist? In isolated cases, I’m sure you could claim righteousness. But in the larger scope of things, in this city where every one of any color is just struggling to get their little piece of life back into order, racism of any sort is nothing more than an irrational paranoia on the whole—unless, of course your career is dependent on the persuasion—right, Jesse and Louis? I could be wrong, though. At least, I admit it.

Mayor Nagin is proud that this is now one of the safest cities in the U.S. Wasn’t so on August 28, 2005 but it sure has been. So he’s right . . . in essence. (For the record, I think he’s done his best given the situation) We also have the lowest per capita incidence of cancer now also. White collar crime has dwindled drastically. Traffic accidents . . . lowest they’ve been in years. DUI’s almost unheard of. Geez, even our jails have “greenspace” between cells. It’s mold but it’s green! And why? Because they ain’t nobody here! All that’s here now are hard-working people who are rebuilding their lives and a couple who are trying to take lives away. Anybody have any idea which ones we should “purge” now? As long as their civil rights haven’t been violated in the process, that is. We wouldn’t want to screw with the lives and liberties of well-meaning criminals trying to do what they do best. It was a black on black crime, I’m told. I’m not black and I care. So I guess it doesn’t really count then . . .sorry to be so racist about it.

Addendum 1/17/06: Somethings Do Change Or Were They Always Lingering In The Background?

Unity . . . One Voice . . . talking with Dr. King . . . and God’s judgments . . . on the return of a “Chocolate City” . . . somethings are better left unsaid, Mr. Mayor. You’ve pretty much just dashed any progress you’ve made in unifying anything but a racist agenda. But, I guess, since President Bush did not invade sovereign state territory with federal troops a few months ago, his “racism” is much more evident, huh? Oh and you forgot to throw in the part about the demolition of the levees by federal troops to whip up your base, Mr. Farri . . . Nagin. Sorry I got confused for a moment. Isn’t Ex-Lax made with chocolate, too?

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Posted by on January 15, 2006 in Politics


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Isn’t this internet communication wonderful? We can instantly send a message, instantly get a reply and instantly blog the entire world with our mundane little thoughts. Unless, you have dial-up then you might as well snail-mail the stuff; it’s faster. Just kidding, of course. After all we are talking U.S.P.S. so you may never get it at all!

This past week, though, I have come across a very disturbing method of communication promulgated by what we call PAC (Political Action Committees) and I’m not intending to be partisan because all sides are capable of abusing our freedom of speech equally, but I was drawn to one instance which broke the straw on this camel’s back. I had previously encountered another example a few weeks back also and I’m quite sure many more like it exist in the realm of internet communications.

I’m sure most of you are all too well familiar with SPAM. You know, the offers to enlarge (insert your smallest body part here . . . figuratively, of course!) anything, increase your wealth to staggering proportions for only $9.95 (and if it were that easy why aren’t the solicitors spending more of their time doing so?), purchase wonder drugs for 1/10 the cost of store prices, and you know the rest, I’m sure. I just read that about 85% of all e-mail delivered today is SPAM. Maybe our wonderfully geeky virus creators could refrain from screwing up our lives with their junk and spend more time focusing their attentions on converting e-mail SPAM into real Spam and that would solve two other major problems: we wouldn’t have to listen to self-righteous multi-millionaire rock stars whining about how much they care about feeding the world because surely the converted Spam would obfuscate the need for them to spend their precious time away from their mansions and teeny-bopper entourages. And the world’s hungry would have a new source of nourishment that the dictators and despots could steal away from them. But at least we will have tried once again in vain.

Unfortunately, SPAM is a necessary part of lives these days. And in their infinite wisdom of caring to get the “necessary” word to the masses, our wonderful PAC’s have now embarked on the process in a somewhat inverted SPAM tact. And this is precisely why I’m looking into a new domain which could make communication easier for all of us in the same style our “caring and concerned” political demagogues among us. Free speech was intended to be a just way to communicate ideas without government interference or retribution, but now the propagandizing and plagiarizing have smacked our freedom full tilt under the guise of concern for the good of America. So will be capitalizing on their ideas for the benefit of the non-political communicators in internet land.

Let me explain what has happened. If you visit certain websites (and I’ve only investigated the Left side, if you know what I mean) like NARAL, MoveOn, and others like it (You figure out how to get there. If you can’t, you won’t understand what I’m talking about anyway!), you now have the ability to become part of the political process and express free speech. Not necessarily your free speech, but free speech nonetheless. Doesn’t cost anything. You will have to learn how to spell your name and memorize your address. I guess that also implies you will have to learn to read also. And once you’ve done that you might need to acquire some government funding so you can buy a computer, then spend a few dollars a month on an ISP and they’ll provide you with a free e-mail address you can insert into the proper space on the sites since it is required so you can be spammed like every other American. (Just a little thought while you’re waiting for TigerDirect to deliver your E-machine: since you’re so politically active now, use this time to practice punching out your chads so our next election will not be “stolen” by people who do have a little more upstairs than you.) I know. You thought this was going to be easy. There is a price for freedom, though.

Once you have accomplished these heartless and elitist tasks, you’re almost home, that is, once you’ve figured out how to use a browser to get to the sites. My suggestion is you call the person who told you who to vote for in the last election and chances are they have at least an average knowledge of computer workings to get you through. Don’t call me. I probably didn’t vote the way you did. I’d be glad to help but surely the first time something would go wrong you’d blame it on the person I voted for last election and I don’t want to hear it, please. Besides Halliburton probably had something to do in the manufacture of your computer, so face it, they’re all out to get you. You can’t win. And it ain’t getting any better is it? That should tell you something.

Back to the issue. The PAC of your choice has taken SPAM to a level even the lowest on our food chain can successfully speak freely with. With the efficiency of Edgar Bergen and the political virtue of Michael Moore, the masses of the “politically” deformed will now be able to speak directly to their congressman (once they figure out what district they’re in, maybe even if they can remember what state they live in) and voice their valuable and cogent opinions in the spirit of freedom provided by our forefathers. Most of the PAC’s have made the process “brainless.” I can only wonder why they felt the need since people political involved should actually have thinking as a prerequisite. But that’s just me. And I don’t consign myself to most of these sites’ political beliefs so why should I be so bold to feel my rights are trampled upon when someone else intends to speak for someone else with someone else’s idea of what truth and the American Way is all about. If you disagree with me, fine. As long as you say it in your own words. Like I’m doing here, I hope.

Yes, America, you now have the chance to go to any of these sites I mentioned—and you can surely find more either Left or Right—and e-mail your elected official with “meaningful, heartfelt” demagoguery from someone else’s mouth since you obviously are not bright enough to form your own opinion. It’d be kind of like walking into Mickey D’s and having the clerk say “And you’d probably like fries with that!” and you respond “Well, sure.” The logical progression then would be that they eat them for you and absorb all the non-saturated fats and salts into their system, but sacrifice only goes so far. Some things you should have to do for yourself, right? Ideally, anyway.

On the NARAL site, the current topic happened to be the presidential nomination of Judge Roberts to the Supreme Court, a common topic for every talk show in America on air today. I heard mention of opposition by NARAL so I decided to see what they thought and why they thought it. Besides the warped “logic” and hyperbolic innuendo intended to break both knee caps of a distinguished jurist, I was stunned to see mindlessness even more exposed by the method they were attempting to employ in their campaign meant to derail the nomination. Mind you, my opinion of what they say is my opinion so I’m not trying to influence you on what to think about the Judge. I don’t care. But my horror came when I discovered the mindless, deceitful tactics devised to disseminate possibly manufactured opinions to the elected officials of our nation.

I remember statistics discussions many years ago where it was said that a chimpanzee given a typewriter and enough time (and I don’t believe he was employed by the New York Times or CBS News) could successfully type enough legible words that could be combined into a cogent novel. Obviously, NARAL and others have enough constituents of the same order that would make their campaign a successful one, presupposing they could figure out how to turn on the E-machine, anyway, you see. Exercising freedom of speech, this PAC has provided anyone who wants to “express” themselves the way to contact their Congressional representative by providing a template (complete with content) saving them valuable time and preventing them from getting a splitting migraine while thinking for themselves. You can fill in your name, address and e-mail address. Next you can drop down a little window, find your state and listing of your representative (Advil is not provided by the site so just pick anybody. It’s still a vote, right?) In fact, you can select a few representatives a mass mail them all. And in the message window:

Dear Senator,
As your constituent, I am urging you to oppose John Roberts, President Bush’s nominee to the Supreme Court.

If Roberts is confirmed to a lifetime appointment, there is little doubt that he will work to overturn Roe v. Wade. As Deputy Solicitor General under the first President Bush, he argued to the Supreme Court that “Roe was wrongly decided and should be overruled….”

Appointment to the Supreme Court allows unparalleled power and opportunity to shape national law and policy for generations. An anti-choice judge, if elevated to the Supreme Court, could tip the balance in many cases dealing with reproductive rights and other personal freedoms. Roberts, who has demonstrated hostility to the right to choose, will very likely be such a judge. The American public deserves a nominee that can be counted on to uphold constitutional rights.


[Your name]
[Your address]

How good can freedom get? Why waste time thinking about it? He’s a Bush nominee, so what more is there to say?

You may agree with NARAL’s position. But to influence the vote of a representative of the U.S. representative with inverted SPAM? That’s freedom? That’s propaganda straight out of Mein Kampf or the Communist Manifesto.

I used the opportunity to make use of this convenient template to contact my representatives. I just changed it a little as well as sending it to the NARAL contact. Here is what I said:

“It is quite curious that the intellectualism of your supporters is held in question simply from the fact that you do not have the faith in them to compose their own verbiage communicating their opinions with which to contact elected officials and influence opinion and legislation. Your provisions for force-feeding your clientele with pre-canned dissertations of well-worn talking points which they, no doubt, are incapable of formulating themselves simply because truth rarely needs clarification and, where as, lies can often become entangled webs which can hang the unsuspected, it is quite interesting that the phrases “leading sheep to slaughter” or the activity of lemmings leaping to their death from the heights of Britannia’s cliffs remind me of the shallow and manipulating tactics used by your organization to mislead people who ignorantly and childishly hold noble causes but are too robotic to realize that what an organization says and what an organization really values, in a political sense, are not necessarily the same in scope and content. Perhaps you would be much more effective in your campaign using one of the e-mail viruses that hijack addresses and do the bulk mailing yourself to ensure that your message will get to the officials in a timelier manner. With that tactic, you could save a lot of your supporters the necessary brain power of typing their name in your spaces with your mealy-mouthed pre-typed “thoughts” below. After all pressing the “Send” button could unintentionally cause their heads to swell thinking they are contributing to the welfare of the world which may generate a massive migraine causing them to take an unscheduled nap thus missing the next crucial campaign you generate for them to sign on to. And we really don’t want all that brainpower to go to waste, now would we?”

Is this what the founders meant by the word “freedom?’ That rumbling you feel may be my stomach churning from the thought of the gall of PAC’s to presume that putting words in peoples’ mouth is tantamount to handing out typewriters to chimps, but more likely it’s Hancock, Jefferson, Franklin and others shifting positions once again. And I’m not talking about their political views either.

So, as non-self-serving as many of you know me to be, I have concocted a way to help you, my treasured and valuable friends, to descend downward to the depths of mindlessness with a service I will provide to you free of charge to help you communicate to the most precious ones in your entourage on a regular basis. I call it and I’m sure you can make good use of it on those occasions when communication in a timely fashion is vital. You just need to e-mail me your entire address book. At appropriate times (see below) I will e-mail your sentiments (actually they will be mine, but get in the groove for goodness sake) to the respective individuals and keep you dear in their hearts and minds with your (my) heart-felt emotions. Here a few examples:

“I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately…” (This sentiment can be augmented with the phrases “And I really need to get a life because you’re really not worth the effort,” Or “Have you been thinking of me or that trashy little blonde hussy I last saw you with, scum bag?” Or “So send me enough money to cover my Prozac bill!”

“You’re not getting older. You’re getting better…” (I’ll randomly add phrases like “with everything except hiding those advanced years.” Or “at lying through your teeth to cover it up, though.” Maybe even “but you still have a way to go to reach ‘human’.”)

“I can’t wait until I see you again…”(Depending on how much I like you, I will insert “Cause I lay awake nights wishing I could beat the crap out of you!” How about “and don’t forget to bring the $100 you borrowed from me 12 years ago.” Possibly “because you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Damn! I lead a miserable life, don’t I?”

All you have to do is sign your name on the dotted line and your true feelings will be zapped to your loved ones just like the PAC’s do it. Ain’t it great to be Americans?! Why waste time thinking when blabbering gets the job done just as well?

Next discussion: Voting absentee for you and all of your friends. Be a pal and fill them all out for free. (Chadless districts only, please.)

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Posted by on August 14, 2005 in Politics


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