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Apocraphylips Now

Before I begin, I would like to stress the fact that this is not a scholarly work as were my previous posts (guffaw). But certain circumstances in world politics sometimes inspire me before I fully research a topic. It’s the need for an immediate cathartic experience sans the necessity for ultimate accuracy. After all, this is just an online diary, of sorts, a kind of rambling of the mind on things that have made impressions on me in the present. Two days from now I probably won’t even care I thought these thoughts and at the risk of being visited by Al Qaeda in the dark of the night (after all, they are not the bravest people in the world when the prey on non-militants because to confront a fully armed Marine in Fallujah somewhat lessens their ultimate need for one virgin no less 72 of them), I can’t prevent but having all the facets of my life flash before my eyes at the thought of some of the things I’ve once seen or heard in past studies many years ago.

Way back when–during the time when eyeglasses were for “old” people unlike myself then–authors dealing with Apocalyptic literature such as Hal Lindsey were a favorite read for me, not so much emanating from a desire to see the “end” in my life but more like a literary jigsaw puzzle putting pieces of prophecy together into a coherent model. The ambiguous quatrains of Nostradamus were interesting but most I could apply to any Super Bowl game especially when the Stones might perform “Sympathy For The Devil” which they wisely bypassed prophetically because I’m sure they were told in advance I might use that for a blog post. That would have been too easy. I needed more of a challenge. But I didn’t expect the Moslem world to provide me with much-needed answers indirectly after so many years of this dormant topic in my life.

Let me reiterate. I am not making a “prophetic” attempt here. I don’t want to waste precious time forming some all-encompassing theory with millions of religious references and such. I’d much rather go only as far as throwing all the pieces of a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle up in the air and have them all fall to the floor in the correct places with very little effort of my part. And there are some “obvious” elements of this theory that will no doubt amuse–and at the same time enrage–at least one other person who might happen upon this pointless rambling we call a blog. For me it’s nothing more than an exercise in brainstorming with the umbrella of this electronic medium so I can maintain a relative anonymity from 1.6 billion Muslims who may be lurking outside my door. I’ve already lost one car this year to Katrina and I don’t want them burning my sister’s who was kind enough to loan me hers until she returns from her evacuation. And you’re quite welcomed to blame all of this on the ill effects of the lingering Katrina mold ever-present in our air currently. I, myself, hope this is the case because if I’ve stumbled on “right” it’ll even scare me. Book 67, The Book of Lenny, cannot be added because the Canon has been closed . . . right?

Okay, enough of the disclaimer. This is what I have found on a simple precursory trek into research spurred by the silly little cartoon by a Dane which has driven some in Islam to the brink of idiocy. Well, further past that brink because the militants of Mohammed have already sullied the mass of the 1.6 billion with their own selfish quest for multiple virgin flesh. Whatever happened to the time-honored practice of celibacy in religious circles?

Unless you’ve been in a cave (I’m not trying to goad you at all by reference, Osama!), a little cartoon showing the image of the Prophet with his turban resembling one of those caricatured round black bombs with a lit fuse has driven the masses wild. It’s a matter of blasphemy to show an image of the Prophet. And as so many others have said on-line in recent days “If it’s prohibited to make or have an image of him, then how in hell (or the Muslim equivalent) can anyone tell it’s him really.” After all, it could be Ahmed, the used camel salesman in Cairo for all anyone knows. (Just for the record, in this case we will discount beheadings, murder of children, suicide bombings of school buses, subjugation of the female, slavery, and the need to eradicate anyone that is not Muslim as not germane to the righteous rage against blasphemy in a cartoon. We’ll compare apples to apples for the benefit of this argument.). And as a citizen of the country who has the “Great Satan” as my leader (Source: Various imams and Ayatollahs, some heads of Islamic states around the world–those closest to Israel, for sure, leaders of all Al-Qaeda cells around the world and in the United States, and finally the Democratic National Committee’s Book of Talking Points), I don’t want to taint my discussion with any automaton-like rhetoric because I voted for him. I’ll be as objective as I can.

So . . . I tooled around for more information on who exactly this Prophet was, the leader of the peaceful and tolerant religion which is almost one-third of the world strong. He seemed like a nice guy by the literature I did read on the surface. I wouldn’t recognize him if I met him on the street . . . because I’ve never seen a picture of him!!! . . . but I’m sure I could enjoy a conversation with him just as I have had with other followers of his over the years without losing my head over the experience of meeting a luminary of his stature. But the more I dug, the more the Lindsey-like my reading would become. The Late, Great Planet Earth and Satan Is Alive And Well And Living On Planet Earth were interesting reading but may have missed the mark, at least the way I understood it. But that’s not discounting the revelatory events as Mr. Lindsey proposed them to be. He was quite careful to not fall into the trap of “prophesying” a specific time of travail but more focused on what signs to look for should one (or billions) be present at the time foretold. However, I thought the world was going to end a few years ago. But maybe the Lord is honoring my one request that I last as long as it takes the Saints to get to the Super Bowl (Update: 2010. They made it. Time is shorter!) so that should give us all quite enough time to catch up on the prophecy if He does, in fact, grant that prayer. And then I stumbled on some passages from a site which delineates some of the relevant Islamic prophecies about the Apocalyptic times and I almost felt like Smokey Robinson when all of a sudden we “could see clearly now.”

(Remember, I’m not being scholarly here. Remember the tossed puzzle method. Eventually it will work. And a monkey at a typewriter could eventually compose a prize-winning novel given enough time and bananas. That’s a statistical possibility. Probably.)

Our Mahdi will have a broad forehead and a pointed (prominent) nose. He will fill the earth with justice as it is filled with injustice and tyranny. He will rule for seven years. –Abu Dawud, Sahih, Vol. 2, p. 208; Fusul al-muhimma, p. 275

After the death of a Ruler there will be some dispute between the people. At that time a citizen of Madina will flee (from Madina) and go to Makkah. While in Makkah, certain people will approach him between Hajrul Aswad and Maqaame Ibraheem, and forcefully pledge their allegiance to him.

Thereafter a huge army will proceed from Syria to attack him but when they will be at Baida, which is between Makkah and Madina, they will be swallowed into the ground.

On seeing this, the Abdaals of Shaam as well as large numbers of people from Iraq will come to him and pledge their allegiance to him. Then a person from the Quraish, whose uncle will be from the Bani Kalb tribe will send an army to attack him, only to be overpowered, by the will of Allah. This (defeated) army will be that of the Bani Kalb. Unfortunate indeed is he who does not receive a share from the booty of the Kalb. This person (Imam Mahdi) will distribute the spoils of war after the battle. He will lead the people according to the Sunnat and during his reign Islam will spread throughout the world. He will remain till seven years (since his emergence). He will pass away and the Muslims will perform his Janazah salaat. –Abu Dawud

Severe calamity from the direction of their ruler will befall my people during the Last Days. It will be a calamity which, in severity, shall be unprecedented. It will be so violent that the earth with injustice and corruption will shrivel for its inhabitants. The believers will not find refuge from oppression. At that time God will send a man from my family to fill the earth with justice and equity just as it is filled with injustice and tyranny. The dwellers of the heavens and the earth will be pleased with him. The earth will bring forth all that grows for him, and the heavens will pour down rains in abundance. He will live among the people for seven or nine years. From all the good that God will bestow on the inhabitants of the earth, the dead will wish to come to life again.Ibn Hajar, al-Sawa’iq al-muharriqa, P. 161; Yanabi’ al-mawadda, Vol. 2, P. 177)

People, no prophet or apostle will come after me and no new faith will be born. Reason well, therefore, O People, and understand words which I convey to you. I leave behind me two things, the Quran and my example, the Sunnah (Hadith), and if you follow these you will never go astray.

All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again; and may the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. Be my witness, O Allah, that I have conveyed your message to your people. A group of my Ummah will fight for the truth until near the day of judgment when Jesus, the son of Mary, will descend, and the leader of them will ask him to lead the prayer, but Jesus declines, saying: “No, Verily, among you Allah has made leaders for others and He has bestowed his bounty upon them. –Sahih Muslim

It is not as you say. Mahdi is a person behind whom Jesus will offer his prayers.Ibn Tawus, Kitab al-malahim wa al-fitan, P. 179

Okay, I didn’t say it; they did. There are obviously conflicts with Judeo-Christian literature and Islamic Literature. If you read the Islamic quotes above (and I have not verified these passages. They could well be the Islamic David Koresh or Guyana parallels in their religion). But the stark differences do highlight some obvious distinctions which could never be amicably resolved. What’s specifically troublesome to me is the starkly obvious reference to the 7 year reign of this “Mahdi” which is practically the effectual opposite of Christian eschatological prophecy. Both say the same with quite different outcomes depending on which side you think is correct. In every biblical Christian theology I can think of, this seven-year reign is attributed to the anti-Christ which precedes the return of the Savior of Christianity (and the World, to be fair). All of this is conjecture in a secular sense? It means nothing to the unbeliever and can only serve to really tick off either side of the Christian/Muslim side depending on the way one interprets the dichotomies.

If I may make a spurious prophetic judgment (non-binding) here, it doesn’t look good for Christians if Mohammed is the Prophet he claims to be. But as it is written in Christ’s on words “many will come after me saying ‘I am the Christ'” and the many warnings of false prophets to come, the seemingly purposeful subjugation of Christ-like phrasing with subtle twists in Mohammed’s pronouncements, isn’t it very curious that all though revered by Islam as a forerunning prophet himself is Jesus, even Islam does not assign Jesus to a seven-year reign as was attributed to the Muslim Messiah? One of them can’t be right. It’s a simple matter of logic that makes this judgment and I am not one to brand either side the victor or apostate just yet. That’s not my job. I just ramble. Let Lindsey write another book and make millions.

So, in conclusion, one mere cartoon may have just begun the Final Countdown. The bomb on the Prophet’s head was probably nothing more than an offhand reference to the tendency for Islam to produce mindless robots willing to do the bidding of spineless clerics in the name of the all merciful Allah. But as I looked at the picture (Google-“Mohammed Cartoon” if you want to see it for yourself), I couldn’t help but get the weak feeling in my stomach that somehow the silly little cartoon has hit on something very prophetic, not on purpose, though. As was stated in Revelation (to paraphrase) the revived rises from the head wound (by the sword) in the final epoch which may or may not lend credence to the Islamic passages above only inversely by effect. Bomb on the head of the cartoon character? That’s what militant Islam has in their heads currently. And in my judgment, it’s turning on them in some circles such as Europe and definitely right thinking Americans who don’t vote Democrat. (Political jab!) And which third of the prophesied population of the earth will reap the most damage thus fulfilling the Bible and Quranic prophesies? Perhaps an even number of both. Or not.

Is either side of this worldwide conflict in the making pristinely pure and angelic in their intent and devotion to their deity? Of course not. We both have our own Crusades and Inquisitions to answer to in the name of religion. So which is the most noble? Who knows, but 72 virgins seems the less virtuous route by most accepted religious standards that are a little less misogynous by nature. But that’s just me. And I’m more appreciative of experience over freshness. Again just me ruminating. And, by the way, Rashid, how many virgins have you seen walking around the streets these days anyway? I think I have a much better chance although it hasn’t been that apparent as of late. Celibacy, as I said before, may be the thing to strive for ultimate survival. Again, just me. Just a little friendly advice for my Muslim brothers.

Oh, my! There’s a book with a banana on top of that stupid puzzle I tossed up in the air a little while ago. I guess it’s about time I wander outside into the wilderness we call “Chocolate City” now, fast for a little while . . . ooo, and here’s some sack cloth and ashes . . . damn, I hate when I’m right!

 
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Posted by on February 7, 2006 in Politics

 

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